Dirty Little Secrets

2007-05-06T21:18:00.000+08:00

2006-12-08T13:07:00.000+08:00

This hour marks the 30th hour of non-sleep. Holllllaaaaa. This week? Officially FIRED.

2006-08-15T20:38:00.000+08:00

Tagged by Evil Elaine. Look, it alliterates, therefore it must be right.

7 Random facts about me:
I curse a lot.
I really enjoy creative writing.
I also like to think that I am good at it.
Also, photoshop is my crack.
I love alternative music; no idea why. Check out 46bliss's The Way You Are later
Soccer is my antidrug.
I prefer writing with a pencil than with a pen.

7 things that scares me:
Death (not for me, but for my loved ones)
Failure at what I think I can do well in
Being left bad reviews for stories I put effort in
Hell, being left bad comments for things I put effort in
Finding that you're really not the best at all
Confrontations
Public humiliation

7 Favourite ~~Music~~ SONGS at the moment:
(Eh, what the hell, title is wrong. *fixes*)

Momentary Thing by Something Happens
We Used To Be Friends by The Dandy Warhols
The Way You Are by 46bliss
We Could Be In Love by Lea Salonga and Brad Kane
Sway by The Perishers
Delicate by Damien Rice
I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie

7 Things I like most
Alias
Veronica Mars
Gilmore Girls
Writing
My Apple merchandise
My family
Music

:)

2006-07-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

Mmmm.

School is eating into my very essence, that's all. Assignments and projects, oh my.

Watch Veronica Mars, dammit, people. Singaporeans: Sundays 6 p.m, Channel 5! It's only up to 1x05 You Think You Know Somebody, so please please please watch and then catch up with just 4 episodes, because honestly? Really, really not that hard!

For people in the US: 19/9, 9pm, The CW, after Gilmore Girls. Not that hard to remember, no?

2006-05-26T11:31:00.000+08:00

My reaction to the Alias finale - Reprisal & All The Time In The World. It might help to note that I actually bawled for about three hours before I actually calmed down.

Don't read, spoilers beyond this point!

I'm not going to pretend I LOVED it, but I'm not going to say I *hated* it. I liked the episode in terms of story telling, but I didn't like it for the character assassination.

What happened to Irina, loving mother despite being a spy? I don't buy that bullshit -- what's her endgame? She said power; I don't believe it. In my mind: This is another clone. The real Irina is still out, somewhere. HAH.

And, god, Jack. Jack, Jack, Jack. Jack. Again, I don't believe he's dead. Remember, we didn't see his body! Plus, Sydney had Rambaldi/Clifford juice on her hands when she touched his wounds. I am inclined to believe that he survived the blast.

And... Oh, I love the scar on Sydney's right side of her neck. Nadia's was on the left. Perfect parallel.

Also - Through The Looking Glass. Nadia and Irina died through glasses. Alice in Wonderland reference, brilliant.

Peyton/Sark. HEEEEE. I need to develop Peyton as a character. Why she has a phobia for snakes. Why is she a badass terrorist. Why she worked for Prophet 5. Hmmm.

Sloane, spending all the time in the world under a rock. Poetic justice, anyone?

And yes, I know before you J/Is come tackling me, I loved the last scene. Baby Jack. Isabelle. Isabelle knocking down the indicator, but HELL, you know she's gonna be a spy anyway. And so will Jack.

Jack -- Jonathon Donahue Bristow-Vaughn, in my mind. Or at least Jonathan Donahue William Bristow-Vaughn. That'll make him Jack II. Sydney's heart will break in years to come, I believe. Ficcie idea. :)

What else... hmm... Nadia's ghost leaving Sloane. Even Nadia left him. Sweet, good Nadia.

Francie -- Nitpicky here, but didn't Sydney date Danny for just two years? But they knew each other for 6 years? Oh, and I'm annoyed at no reference to Will. I know Cooper couldn't film because of Three Days of Rain, but STILL. I love Merrin Dungey.

Young Sydney, 'What did you do, rob a bank?' -- Awesome work, Garner! So young, so raw; we really see how much Sydney has matured over the years.

< o >

So, who's <, > and what is o?

Before this, I thought < was The Chosen One, > was The Passenger and the o was the Sphere of Life (hey, I was right from season TWO that there will be a Sphere of Life that is integral to Rambaldi's endgame, alright? :D)

But, the final battle was of Irina and Sydney. And if Irina's the one to cause utter desolation unto the world, does that mean Irina = The Chosen One, and Sydney = The Passenger? And if so, was Nadia an unneccesary sacrifice on Sloane/Rambaldi's part?

Also, where is Hayden Chase?

Why the hell is Sydney (and maybe Vaughn too) still going on missions for the CIA/Dixon? What happened to 'I want to get away from all these spy crap [...] Just you and me, and our baby, on a beach'? Surely with Isabelle and then Jack too, they'd have a little common sense not to get back to that line?

Moreover, Dixon... Why would he be encouraging it anyway?

Heeee. I love Carrie. Especially when she saw Vaughn. Awesome-ness.

A fitting ending to a loved show. You will be missed, Alias.

2006-05-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

Thank you for five fantastic years, Alias.

ALIAS
The Entire Series
Truth takes time
September 30, 2001--May 22, 2006

2006-05-18T19:50:00.000+08:00

I realllllly need to learn to update this blog more often.

Also, instead of writing my social psychology paper, I just spent time watching Season Five of Alias. Go me. :)

Or not. Grah.

Watching Da Vinci Code with the Z clan + Leung Yan + Cindy + Val. Yay. So I'm broke but who cares? I need to watch Over The Hedge, and while I'm not really willing to admit, M:I:III as well (JUST SO I CAN SEE THE ALIAS REFERENCES HAAHAHA).

French is fun! Vouz vouz appelez comment? Vouz parlez français?

2006-05-09T18:47:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to write my essay for Radio Production.

That is all.

2006-05-07T17:54:00.000+08:00

Homework that I should be doing, but I'm not:

- Preparing for Thursday's Speech Communication's 1st Accessed Speech about an imagined product. I'm gonna do a MacPhone. It's like a MacBook, but cooler. I was gonna name it iPhone, but Apple seems to be moving away from the 'i's (and I don't wonder why; look at all the 'pirated' i stuff out there. Tsk.) Due this Thursday. There's also the phonetics journal, which is due ... Week 16 or something? Yeah.
- Writing my Radio essay. 500 words, + - 10 words or Felix Tan will take off marks. GRAH. I'm gonna do Gold 90 FM! Due this Thursday.
- Doing Social Psychology's journal (due Week 4) and the online tutorial for next Friday (due Week 4's lecture), because it's Vesak day
- Reading up on APA and the intricacies of citing resources (amongst all others)
- Finishing up the French exercise books (due Wednesday)

So much to do! Thank goodness there still is a little bit of time left.

So, instead of doing aforementioned homework, what am I doing?
I'll show you what I've been doing.

01 02 03
04 05 06
07 08 09
10 11 12
13 14 15
16 17 18
19 20 21
22 23

That's what I've been doing. HAH.

But, well, yes. My icons suck, that's as much as I know, but that's Alias and Power Rangers in case you really don't know.

2006-05-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

Highlights of the week:

- My muse came back!
- School is actually fun. You know, I never thought I'll live to say that, but yes. School is fun. I like school.
- I'm addicted to milo chocolates. :)
- Last Thursday was my birthday, for all you not in the know.

Highlights of last (last) week:

- ALIAS. Holy shiz. How frickin good was it?! (I'm talking about SOS and Maternal Instinct. Am rather neutral to There's Only One Sydney Bristow because we all know how much I frickin hate the Helix protocol)

It is at this point of time when I realise, man, I have a sad, uneventful life because I can think of nothing to update about, sans the 'OMG ALIAS!!!11!one!1' comments. Jen Garner is so my girl crush, HEE. And awwwwww cute lil' Isabelle *squee*

^^^
See what I mean by fangirling? And this is mild. You should see the type of entries in my LJ. Mostly after I watched Maternal Instinct I posted this on LJ:

*HYPERVENTILATES AND DIES*

Word for word. Hah. But, man, anyway. My biological clock's all weird now. I have an 8 am class tomorrow and I should be sleeping, but noooo, I'm writing fic. A - GET READY FOR THIS! - Power Rangers fic. Which is reading like an Alias fic. Of which Kimberly is semi-evil, and Tommy is still the paragon of good (Yeah, whatever). Flangst. Sweet.

I don't have a CCA yet. How depressing. If someone looked at me now they wouldn't believe I was the President of the MAD Club and the Secretary-cum-Treasurer of the Drama Club, because I'm slacking like there's no tomorrow. In terms of CCAs, that is. Academically wise, I'm so proud of myself; I actually finished up *all* my required readings for this week.

Weekends are a good time to sleep through the day and revise your work. [/random]

2006-04-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

Seventeen years and 5 minutes old.

2006-04-22T16:47:00.000+08:00

Greetings from a brand new Macbook Pro! =)

2006-04-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

This will probably be one of the last few entries made with my good Dell Dimension 4550, in all its glory. I'll probably still be using it to test out websites and whatnot, but the majority of which - because I'm such an Apple fangirl - will be done on my spiffy Macbook Pro. Yeeeeeeeah.

It's arriving tomorrow afternoon. I cannot wait =D

In other news, I watched the season premiere of What About Brian? Loved it, by the way. Amy Jo Johnson was brilliant and hilarious as a guest star. Amy Jo Johnson as in, yes, the Pink Power Ranger. Amazing. I had to stop myself from laughing everytime she's on screen.

I want the Daredevil and Elektra Director's Cut versions. :)

2006-04-16T20:23:00.000+08:00

This guy is a genius with his hands. (So much better than what that poser rock guy from Singapore Idol did on that charity show!)

Anyway, nothing much is going on. Gonna meet up with Bern for her to pass me something, then hopping off to the JEC to meet up with Elle, Kathy and hopefully Tanisha. Been too long since we've met up, women!

Other than that I've resumed my boring lifestyle. Didn't do much today; went to the cemetery in the morning to pay my respects to my grandfather, then went off to my grandmother's place as with every Sunday and watched Wimbledon. I like the movie actually, despite it not getting rave reviews. Heh, I just like tennis, I guess. Kirsten Dunst is cute anyway.

Ah, forget about justifying myself, I just am a sucker for sappy love stories alright?! Yeah. =D

I'm glad my tagboard's showing some semblence to being alive, because it was left stagnant for months and months without moving. Well. I think that reflects how much I've updated, no? Teehee.

Oh, and regarding the guitar guy: 17th and I are already sharing him! Monday Wednesday Friday and Tuesday Thursday Saturday. So get your hands off him because *stares* Look at his skills. I'll kill for those hands.

2006-04-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

Know what?

I love Ngee Ann. I love Mass Comm.

And I love my first semester timetable *snickers* Abbreviations as follows:

WRICOM = Writing Communication
SPECOM = Speech Communication
SCPSYH = Social Psychology and Communication
RADIO = Radio Production
IS COM 1ISSUES = Inter-disciplinary Studies: Exploring Contemporary Issues
LS IS IAC = Inter-disciplinary Studies: Individual and the Community

The Intranet Guide cracks me up: "Inactivity means there is no data exchange between your computer and the server. Furiously typing at the keyboard alone is not counted as "active"."

I love Oannes! =D *cheers*

2006-03-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

It takes mere seconds to say 'I love you'.

Well anyway. No, I'm not in love, probably won't be for a long time now, but... well. You know. Just thought it'll be interesting to point that out.

So. Ngee Ann Mass Communication. Uh huh. I'm happy. Really. =) If I can excel in there, then by all means. My master plan hasn't changed yet.

I miss the old times at the old school campus. The slope, the road to the bus stop, the staircase. Ah. Good times.

2006-03-04T22:06:00.000+08:00

It's Morphin' Time!

Pteradactyl!

Hell yes, I'm reliving my childhood. :) Pink Ranger! Pterodactyl power coin! Crane power coin!

Uh huh. Mastodon! Pterodactyl! Triceretops! Sabre Toothed Tiger! Tyranasaurus! Dragonzord! Mastodon-Lion! Pterodactyl-Firebird! Triceretops-Unicorn! Sabre Toothed Tiger-Griffin! White Tiger! Bear! Ape! Frog! Crane! Falcon!

That was from memory. :) Yay for Mighty Morphin Power Rangers =D Go sing that infectious tune and hum that dragonzord theme. Do do do do do do!

2006-03-02T15:24:00.000+08:00

it's just that it's delicate

2006-03-02T15:23:00.000+08:00

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing

2006-03-02T15:22:00.000+08:00

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes; so dry your eyes

2006-03-02T15:21:00.000+08:00

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

2006-03-02T15:20:00.000+08:00

I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But a lonelily landed my waltz in her hands
In a way I felt you were leaving me

2006-03-02T15:17:00.000+08:00

So I sat on the curb and I cried like a child
Catching my breath just walk for awhile
And I thought of what could go wrong

2006-03-02T15:15:00.001+08:00

It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe

2006-03-02T15:15:00.000+08:00

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream

2006-03-02T15:14:00.000+08:00

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

2006-03-02T15:06:00.000+08:00

Slow dancing on the boulevard
In the quiet moments while the city’s still dark
There was nothing that could make it easy on you

On Songs

2006-01-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

Because we've all established that I am a terrible blogger *nods*

Because I am totally random, here's the popular song meme.

Go to your music player of choice and put it all on shuffle. For every next question, press next. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

01. What do you think of me, Windows Media Player?
God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You (N*SYNC)

Aww, really.

02. Will I have a happy life?
Rainbow Connection (Kenny Loggins)

"Someday we'll find it//The Rainbow Connection//The lovers, the dreamers, and me"

03. What do my friends really think of me?
Songbird (Eva Cassidy)

Maybe because I sing all the time? *dies laughing*

04. Do people secretly lust after me?
I Am Blessed (Eternal)

So I'll take that as a yes, then.

05. How can I make myself happy?
So In Love With You (UNV)

Awwww. See, I am a diehard romantic. *giggles*

06. What should I do with my life?
I Will Follow You Into The Dark (Death Cab For Cutie)

Hmmm?

07. Why must life be so full of pain?
You Were There (Southern Sons)

HAH!

08. Will I ever have children?
Out Of The Blue (MLTR)

HAHAHA RIGHT!

09. Will I die happy?
I Do (Boyz II Men)

So will I die happy or not? Pah.

10. Can you give me some advice?
Run (Collective Soul)

Er. Right. Okay.

What's that called? A self-fulfilling prophecy?

On Graduating

2005-11-26T15:34:00.000+08:00

Underdressed.

That's just one word that could describe what I wore yesterday to our Graduation Night (Or Nite, in the school's rather obvious attempt to be hip) at Crown Hotel @ Orchard. Clothes aside, there are those who were overdressed but still look really nice (or not, for some...) and the boys looked good in their formal suits!

I think I've got something for men in suits, you know. Yum. Just look at this. And this, this, this, this, this and this.

In retrospect, I enjoyed myself loads during dinner last night - Good food, for once: by the school! Well, not the school school but rather the hotel, but something the school ordered! - and took a number of photos with all the people I'm close to, or were close once. Will probably upload them when I find that cable of mine. Heh.

Have also not applied for PAE registration, so I have three months free at the beginning of next year. My reason is pathetic; but I think I'll make full use of these months to do something worthwhile. :)

So, good luck to those who applied, and enjoy pre-Christmas rushes!

2005-11-22T09:38:00.000+08:00

How was it supposed to be like? A breathe of freedom; an exhilarating sense of liberation?

If anybody asked me what I have done after the O Level's (And trust me, about 4 have asked me that question): I am befuddled. What have I done? Practically nothing yet everything. My memory too, a big blank for about 4 days now.

It's rather routine now that I think hard about it, you know -- Wake up at ~9, switch on the computer... Sleep at ~12. I have since rediscovered my love for Championship Manager and everything soccer, so, yes.

Oh I had a break in routine yesterday; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with Elle. Since a million and one people have already reviewed the movie, I shouldn't but I gotta say, the special effects are good. Except, hey, where's the mandatory Quidditch match hmm? I teared when Cedric died, so yes -- I'm a big softie.

I know I made all sorts of plans: Doing volunteer work at the library, writing loads of stuff, self-studying for subjects (That's still going to happen, though; My sister will be teaching some math stuff), doing online stuff (Hell yes, the only thing's that's coming true in this list)...

On Auditions

2005-11-12T20:21:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHAT.

DEP auditions are pushed forward, and is on the 19th...

YES, THE 19th.

The very day after the end of my O's.

HOW AM I GOING TO LEARN THESE LINES IN ONE DAY?!

Which leads me to... HOW AM I GOING TO ENTER?!

This is all screwed.

Actually I'm rather incoherent, thus the short sentences.

Uh. Sheeyong told me that either 50 or 90 people have/are going to audition.

HOW AM I GOING TO ENTER WITH THIS MUCH COMPETITION?!

*takes a deep breath*

First piece is Anne Frank and the second one is Romeo & Juliet. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Not with just a day of prep. This can't do, oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my --

Yes, it's me freaking out more about the auditions than for the O Level's.

I'm a silly girl indeed.

On Screws (Not Really, Not What You Think)

2005-10-27T15:41:00.000+08:00

Practicals are over and done with. For the first time in my life, I think I screwed them up, for Physics especially. Also, when I say it's bad, it's bad. Big time bad.

So why is it Bad (yes, it has to be capitalised)? Firstly, I didn't have time to even understand what I'm doing; and secondly, I think my measurements were all wrong. Which would mean that the further calculations were wrong too, and those constitutes to all the marks for everything else.

So I gather if I have them all wrong, I'll only obtain marks from the graph, the investigation question, and the precaution question - but only because those are theory-practical, and not really practical-practical.

Chemistry, on the other hand... I had the titration correct, but the cations I'm still in limbo about, since I've asked around and no one has definite answers, which in all essence is really bad. Some of us got zinc, others got aluminium. My observations and volumetric analysis should garner me some deserved marks, so I'm not too worried about Chemistry as I am about Physics.

Tsk. So, what's new? I got an iPod, which I've named Shotgun: Cookie for those who know where this comes from! It's the 60GB, video, black. Veeeery sleek. Veeeery nice. I love it to bits. -hugs- People reading this should recommend songs to me. I've only got about 679 English songs, plus around ... uh, 10 Chinese songs comparatively.

I am a spoilt brat in essence and in nature, because I now want an iBook, or a Powerbook, or a PowerMac, or an iMac... You get the idea. I am now completely Apple-fied. Oh, and iTunes music cards will be very good.

I hardly update this blog, do I? My more private rants, almost daily (or at least once every four days) are on Livejournal, so if you've got an account there and I want to let you read it, just give me a tap on the shoulder over MSN or email, or something. I know, I know, pretence of elitism on the friends-locked entries but I do not just want random people to read what I think about controversial topics.

I love Shotgun.

On A Tribute to the School

2005-10-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

It's hardly what it seems. Typed entirely in 10 minutes or so as a spur-of-the-moment thing, and no artistic licence at all. Been a long time since I wrote a poem.

four years gone and
(what is in my opinion)
tarnished minds and corrupted views
propaganda and suppression with
your ever-vigilant officers
of the so-called laws

with shrieks of the whistle
over the bloody PA system
and "..do the right thing”
reverberating through our ears
with echoes of chatter slowly
building up through all
six floors of the building

it used to be four but we shifted
across the street it seemed better
but visions clash and planes crash1
and the unorthodox displays were out to scare 'em
of 'science block!' and 'aesthetics block!' (now, hmm, where is the Drama Studio...)
and of course
the all-important 'classroom block!'

teachers come in
and out
and in and out again
of the classroom with the same frown
on their faces as they shake their heads.
"When are they going to clean up
their classrooms?"
but nothing said mattered anyway

yells of 'gooooooal!' float from the canteen-
no, wait, it's the volleyball-court-turned-soccer-court!
boys from all levels seem to bond
(and some girls, too)
kicking the same ball
seriousness etched on their features

glass broke and all heads turn
to that sheepish boy who broke the burette
"$7 please!"
then came the bunsen burner
which screw came loose
and caused much havoc and chaos
as the girls shrieked while the flame
swayed from side to side
licking at the test-tube

at the end of the day
as the bell rings (two minutes late, we timed)
some of them drone on and on
and deprive you of those vital minutes
and you walk briskly to the bus stop...
"shucks" are muttered (albeit more vulgarly)
as buses leave and files explode

we look back at our school years
(they're, uh, supposed to be our prime years)
and even though we've been kicked
suppressed and tortured
physically, mentally, psychologically, metaphorically...

maybe i'll even miss you

1 No planes were harmed in the typing of this: I swear.

On Prophet Five

2005-10-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

I know I said I won't watch. I know I said I'll leave the fandom when he dies (which he did, by the way). I know I said I'll stop associating myself with the show and everybody else except for Michael and Mia.

Somehow I broke those promises; my will is too weak.

I started the episode with dread, of his death, of everything else (destroying the dynamics, destroying whatever is left for Alias that is good, destroying his character...) and as I closed my player, I ended the episode with dread as well. Spoiler-unfriendly people can skip the following cut-text.

--> Synopsis starts here

Started off where it left off, even though they've re-filmed the car scene so it doesn't make a lot of sense; I loved the actual, original one better. They took out the "It depends on who you ask" line from Vaughn, and the time for Sydney to react was at least 4 seconds more than the original one. Impact wasn't as big when the car appeared out of nowhere.

Some officers came, but Sydney grew suspiscious of the guns in their barrels etc, so she tried to escape while Vaughn - wearing jeans, hot! - got stretchered off in a helicopter while he was unconscious. Granted, at this point of time, I was watching more closely on how they tried to cover up for Garner's pregnancy and must say, was pretty impressed with the stunt double.

At the hospital, this annoying guy called Dean Gordon spoke to Sydney, about the crash and where her 'loyalties lie', and she got way pissed until Director Jack comes in. Um, I mean, daddy Jack. Said they had to "go over her story" because there had been several "red flags" on "Vaughn's conduct".

Cut to Vaughn. His shoulder is dislocated and he's sitting in the most adorable position that made me just want to go up to the screen to hug him. Eh. Well. Something about a guy called Lenore, and some codes, and then torture -ouch- and finally he escaped by jumping into a rubbish chute and running off. Called Sydney, told her to bring his father's watch -argh I hate it that they used this; almost made the "My father told me to set my heart to this watch. It stopped October 1st. The day we met." (Paraphrasing, I can't really remember exactly how that scene went) sound planned- to the deaddrop location. She said she'll think about it. Gasp. Dean Gordon guy wanted to know where he was. Sydney said, Mexico City. Before that there was this Dixon scene which was well placed, methought, nice partners and all.

Well anyway, we've got this parallel situation where Dean guy went to Mexico City, and Sydney to the deaddrop location where he was trying to look for the watch. She asked him to start with his name. He said Andre Michaux. Hmm. Not digging the name exactly, but it'll do anyway. They went to meet Lenore person, then they went to Cape Town, and this is where the fun part begins. You know, the part where Garner had to cover up the pregnancy again. I guffawed many, many times but nevermind.

(She held a scarf over her hand trying to shield her stomach.)

So they pretended to be French, with nice accents and all and it was cute, really. I mean, flufffff. Really, really fluff and I want to cry just looking at the scene. They start waltzing to Sleeping Beauty, and there's this really nice fluffy banter about practicing for their wedding and such. My heart is breaking, can you hear?

There's this annoying girl who showed too much cleavage but I don't like her anyway, so I shall skip her since it's irrelevant to my narrating here. Anyway, they were going to their extraction point when Sydney's phone rang, and it's her nice Doctor man, who told her "You'll want to know this" when she said "Now isn't really the best time for this!"

Cut to Vaughn running to the extraction point as well and taking off his jacket -rawr- when Sydney snapped her phone close and said, "The doctor called. I'm pregnant." and he said "What?" very softly. Hahahahhahahaha.

In the car. "Are we going to sit here not telling each other the one thing on our minds?" or something like that, and here my heart broke again, pah. Sydney asked if he wanted the baby. He said no, he doesn't want to because he doesn't want the baby to be born in such a terrible world where they've seen the evils of it, but then he looks at her and think what a beautiful little person it'll be for them to care after, and it was really a nice moment; Sydney joked about having Marshall to teach her how to change the diapers and all.

Lenore person arrives, and in a parallel situation annoying newcomer #1 cracked Marshall's encoded Vaughn files, allowing Dean guy to know the location of Sydney and Vaughn. Bang bang bang x20 after, Vaughn collapsed to the floor and there's this train in between Sydney and Vaughn, thus making it virtually impossible for her to jump over the train since she's pregnant now and all. Hahahahaha. She said, "Oh god", and that's all (Re: Danny's death and her screaming does not equate to this reaction).

Hospital. Jack comes in, slightly pissed. Sydney said, "Vaughn and I, we're having a baby." and that silenced him, causing him to say "I'll do whatever I can." Once again, paraphrased since I can't really remember. :P Doctor comes out, and in the medically miraculous world of Alias, where Michael Vaughn can even survive 2 rounds of machine gun shots without dying on the spot immediately, Vaughn's organs are all malfunctioning but the doctors will have to wait til 24 hours later before they can make a correct dignosis. So Jack calls the APO gang and they set up passports, visas etc for Vaughn to get into WitSec or something of that sort. Makes one go hmmmmmmm.

Hospital bed. Sydney gives Vaughn something to drink from a straw. Another hmmm. Then a really cute but heartbreaking exchange about baby names. Owen sounds like a gerbil (All along I was thinking "Michael Owen", hahahahaha -shutupjalyn-), Clementine is cute as a fruit and a campsong, but Isabelle Bristow-Vaughn strikes up a chord for them. She kisses him on the forehead, then on the lips, goes to look out the window. And...

HE BLOODY FLATLINES.

I was like "Oh gosh what what what what?" and then Sarah McLachlan's Dirty Little Secret (really nice song, I've got the CD so if anyone wants the MP3 feel free to ask me to upload it wherever) played through the funeral and there I was, bawling my eyes out.

The end.

My thoughts about it? Quite simply, I don't know whether to believe he's really dead, or Alias-dead. I mean,look at Irina, look at Allison, look at Sydney, not to forgot Helix (aw I hate project Helix, I sure do) and now Prophet Five, something about 'amino acids and proteins' etc, biology stuff. I wouldn't be surprised -if- Vartan returns to film a few episodes proving that Vaughn is only Alias-dead.

Evidence?

1. Songs played; Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty, and McLachlan's Dirty Little Secret. Look at the context behind the songs/lyrics.
2. APO was already planning for Vaughn's extraction, something that will be done when his condition is stable.
3. The looks between Jack and Sydney in the last few scenes. I mean. Hello. Just watch it again. You can almost see him NOD.
4. Nobody stays dead on Alias, anyway, with the exception of the cow (read: Lauren).
5. That sip of water, the face Vaughn made, all made me think "OOH RAMBALDI GREEN GOO".
6. Dude, Sydney didn't even cry as hard as when Danny died. Seriously. I think I cried more than her.
7. While I know that churches do close up the caskets during processions and stuff, I think I'll rather much believe in the "His body isn't in there, that's why."
8. MARSHALL DIDN'T CRY, or bawl, or jump on somebody.
9. "I'll do anything to help you both," so says Jack. There.
10. Sark is coming back. Sarkie needs Vaughnie to play with. 'Nuff said.
11. Because Michael Vaughn is too gorgeous to die.

I've actually got more conspiracy theories to sprout out, but eh, time permits and I can't waste anymore time rewatching the episode and risk bawling my eyes out again. Sheeesh.

edit: Here's Dirty Little Secret, listen to it and bawl like I did!

Also, note to myself: STOP READING 5x01 FICS IF THEY JUST MAKE YOU CRY AND CRY. And stop writing fic. You have to go study social studies NOW. Yes.

On Being a Phoenix

2005-09-20T18:13:00.000+08:00

I think I'm a phoenix, for the sole reason that I can be reborn. You know, out of the ashes and all. No, seriously, prelims are really, really bad. Worse case scenario, I get L1R5 above 20. Best case (and yes I calculated with the most optimism I could muster up after the papers) will be a 11. Yes, best case scenario. Mainly because I know I've really did badly for Physics - no joke, probably a B3 if I'm lucky, a C6 if I'm not - and combined humans.

GAH AM ALMOST DEPRESSED.

And ACJC hasn't confirmed with me the timing for my DEP auditions and sent me the script! I should write an email but I'm so pressed for time; it's not even funny. Here I am, worried sick about prelims and there is ACJC who isn't sending me things that are making me nervous about, too. Did I mention that I'm taking the bus that passes by ACJC just so to get motivation for the O's?

Several entries ago these are my targets for the common tests, prelims and o's:

Common Tests L1R5: 7 I got a 17 instead.
Prelims L1R5: 9 Not really ideal, is it?
O Level's L1R5: 8

Now you can see why I feel so much like a failure.

Last night in bed I did up a "I want..." list of practical things. Here's the list, for now.

- Good results
- Entrance to ACJC's DEP for both PAE and JAE
- An iPod (My mum said if my prelims were good. Meh.)
- Guitar pick(s)
- A nice bracelet; my (ONLY) one is kinda boring now
- Nice clothes, please.
- Books (Coelho's Zahir, Bradley's Mists of Avalon, Freakonomics, Sophocles' Antigone and Oedipus Rex, Homer's Iliad and The Odyssey, Fitch's White Oleander, Nix's Old Kingdom, Dumas' Count of Monte Cristo, Dante's Inferno, Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude... Actually the list goes on, and I've read most of these books from the library but I'm POSSESIVE. Yes, I am, and I want to own these books. Hahahahhaha.
- Guidebooks (Languages etc; I love guidebooks, really)
- A new watch

On Incoherency

2005-09-07T20:32:00.000+08:00

I am, at this moment in time, rendered effectively incoherent.

)(#*UP($U@)*YU@O#(U@O!!!!!!!

Will explain more if you want to email/contact me in whichever way, really. More coherently, I promise.

Also, the second last lap before we get out of Nanhua, woohoo! That said, DEP hasn't sent me the audition script yet. Yikes. Does it mean that they've already started filtering people from auditioning, too? Because if that is the case, then .. Meh. I did the writing-the-application-in-essays thing, too.

()*#^$(*&@#(&@*!~!!!!!!

On Procrastinating

2005-09-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

Am I the biggest procrastinator, or am I the biggest procrastinator? (On second thoughts, don't answer. Hahahahah.) I haven't sent the application for DEP out because 1) I'm still deciding if I should write essays for the two questions instead of putting down the shows I've been a part of, and 2) REVISION IS KILLING ME!

I packed my table yesterday. It's very neat now. Really. And subject-coded too. It pains me to think that I'll have to redo the subject coding next year. Heh. But I'm all geared up for JC life. I think. Hm. Gah. I'M CONFUSED.

And not just about studies. ;) But I've given up trying to think too much, because I get confused all the time. Bwahaha. Uh.

I love my guitar. I named it Scout. *nods*

On Internal Conflicts and Musings

2005-08-31T17:46:00.000+08:00

A couple of issues to take care of this entry... Bah. In fact, *points to title* I'm having such a severe internal conflict that I feel like sleeping through my holidays. Uh. The one-day holiday, that is, unless I decide to skip Friday.

Uh oh. Did I actually say that out? Pssh.

But anyway, back on topic! I hate conflicts. I don't like wars and arguments and fights and all those bad things. Most of all, I hate the internal conflicts I get because they tend to get so draining and by the end of it all, when I actually make my decision, I'm too bloody tired to get anything done anyway.

Woe.

Other than that, the Drama Elective Programme application form is out on the ACJC website. Be prepared for sparkles, though. The evil ones are on the site. Gr. Also the link is hidden on Firefox, and the background looks non-appealing. Hehehehe. But hey I'm going to love DEP (if I get in!)! They want an audition, though.

I'M DYING.

Audition?! GAH! Sigh. And right in between the prelims and the actual O's, too. My fingers are already aching from them crossing too hard. Oh boy. An audition. *gets cold feet*

Wulu: Damien Rice is love! Good music, good face, hot musician. :D
Ashley: Aiya. I don't know lar.

On Love

2005-08-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

I have a new love in my life.

From stage left, enter Damien Rice. He plays guitar, he looks scruffy and hot, and he can sing! You can hardly fit anybody in that criteria these days now. Him, and Michael Vartan (Yes, change sing to act! AND he can play the guitar.).

Except, that said, the real object of my affections is still clueless while I pine on, hopelessly and helplessly, only because I'm terrified of rejection. We're at a comfortable stage of our friendship and I don't want to ruin that with a revelation. I could go on with what we've done, but I'm afraid he'll stumble upon this and discover it without me telling him personally.

Yes, I also know 'nothing ventured nothing gained', but what about 'don't put all your eggs in one basket'? Internal conflict isn't nice. Sigh.

On Preservation

2005-08-27T15:25:00.000+08:00

Preserve Our Name, and Sign The Petition!

On Asphyxiation

2005-08-24T21:07:00.000+08:00

Asphyxiating.

That's what life is, isn't it? The feeling of emptiness and despair that chokes you all the time. It chokes you and you feel your life being sucked out of your entire existence.

There are times you think, hey, life isn't too bad, actually. Then there are other times when you just want to dig a hole and bury yourself - and your problems - in it. You want to escape into a reality that doesn't quite exist.

Sometimes you feel the hot tears behind your eyelids, but you don't want to be viewed as The One Who Cries All The Time. You swallow those tears, painfully back into your heart. It aches, but you ignore it. The society drowns you, and you, in turn, can only try to stay afloat. Sometimes you do it. Other times you fail.

Perhaps one day, all these will be too much to bear. When that day comes, who will know what is running through your head? Are those happy thoughts, or ones drenched in sorrow?

It goes like this. Life goes on, eventually, but how much you enjoy it clearly and ironically adds a burden on your shoulder. We often hear success stories of the impossible - but when are impossibles deemed so, and vice versa? Who holds the authority to do so? Who, indeed?

Ad astra per aspera.

On My Academic Story Thus Far

2005-08-18T19:53:00.000+08:00

I swear, blogging while on a hiatus seems aphrodisiac at times. All the time. Sometimes. Hah, I'm going a little crazy and hyper right now, though I have no idea why.

Maybe it's because of the realisation that I have to memorise the quotes for Twelfth Night, for tomorrow's test? Which is a test that I want to score well in (i.e. an A1, nothing less) and if I don't, I'm going to cry and cry and cry. But pssh, I haven't cried for anything related to academics since Common Tests 1 of Sec 2. This might be an interesting story.

Ah, heck, time-killer this is. I'm typing it up.

My academic story thus far:

The Foundation Years: Indeed, I was very hardworking during those times, the main reason being that I have incentive for it - I was ranked within the top 3 of the level each year, with those seemingly prestigious titles of 'Best in _______' in my grasp as well. If it's unbelievable, I achieved a first in standard with bests in English, Chinese and Math during Primary 2.

I was happy, extremely so. I made best friends with Qiwen (yes, the same one from 4/3 right now! She lived directly above me, and it was really cool now that I think of it: If she jumped on the floor I could probably hear the thumps, heh. Add that to the fact that we've known each other since we were ... 4? Yup.) and basically we were just competing to be the first and second in class all years round, until she had to move to Woodlands. I waved her goodbye and forgot to take down with me her number and new address, and it was only until Primary 5 that I finally contacted her -- or rather, she contacted me, hah.

But anyway, back to the academic story: It all went downhill during Primary 5. I'm not proud to say, but the group of friends I was with was more interested in doing useless things like watching TV, buying magazines, gossiping and spreading awful rumours about everyone and anyone. It was like a miniature version of Mean Girls. We had a mental Burn Book, and anyone who 'offended' any of us were, well, to put it simply, put through hell. Even teachers, I may add. I'm not proud to say this, of course. I still do keep in contact with this group (Jacqueline in Anderson, Meiqi in Chong Boon, Shang Geok in KC Presbyterian and Clarinda in Cedar) and we've all matured quite splendidly through the years apart. :)

(I do stray from the given topic a lot.)

During the prelims of the Primary Six year, I - or rather, my mother - got the big shock as my aggregate was something like ... 230? Now that I look at it, I wouldn't mind getting that score just so I wouldn't have entered Nanhua. My mother forced me to study every single minute of the day in the last month leading to the PSLE, and it did reap results, I've gotta say, since I got the grand ole score of 253. Nothing commendable, but it was within range to enter RGS. I wish I had done so, pfft.

I chose River Valley High School as my first choice, and Nan Hua as my second. The rest of the choices were spread across the Jurong West area.

The Crapshoot Years: As I enrolled into Class 1/1 in Year 2002, I was filled with a myriad of feelings: No friends in this ancient-looking (campus one was looking like that ... ) school ('Eww the uniform's white,' I recall myself complaining) with a principal who spoke in Chinese ('Ah so sian!' another thought as I sat in the hall). From then on I knew I was in an exhibitionist school, judging from all the awards and accolades presented during the orientation slideshow.

Secondary One's academic results were still pretty okay, since at the end of the year I still was ranked somewhere near the top-middle.

Secondary Two was the biggest landslide ever. I got interested in many, many things, many of which I can't even remember. Results dropped drastically, and when Common Tests in March rolled by, my results read something like this: B3 (that was English), B4 (Literature), E8, D7, F9, F9, C6, B4. Well, something like that. And it isn't exaggerated, I'm not kidding. I cried for the entire day.

From that day onwards my interest in academia vanished into thin air.

This was evident in the mid-years and final year examinations, and even though I scrapped through promotion to Secondary 3 it just wasn't good enough - at least not even for consideration to take A. Math and Lit at the same time.

So where do I stand right now?

22 days away from the prelims, I stand here with the belief that I can overcome all odds to achieve fantastic results to go to my dream junior college - ~~Hwa Chong Institution (all thanks to zixian!)~~ As luck would have it, my dream junior college is now Anglo-Chinese JC, because of the Drama Elective Programme. -winks- In fact, on my other blog, I set down these targets:

Common Tests L1R5: 7
Prelims L1R5: 9
O Level’s L1R5: 8

Wish me all the best of luck? =D

(This doesn't quite conclude my academic progress though; it's just a really condensed version!)

On Superstars and Idols

2005-08-17T22:01:00.000+08:00

So that Jue Dui Superstar dude came to assembly today. Screaming from the girls ensued, buzzing about in the school hall and then naturally those came with the consequence of Mrs B Lim SCREAMING her head off.

Okay, so we're noisy and we're 'barbaric'... But the bloody whistle?! We're not dogs, you know. Neither are we in an army camp. But I shan't comment further on this issue, because controversy + me = bodes very well. Haha. (But wait! Wait until I get out of Nanhua. Bwahhaahhaha.)

Right, so that Junyang guy came to school supposedly to sing but HEY it was just an offkey verse. Pfft. I don't follow the series but I concede that the female contestant by the name of Kelly has a good voice. I'm just never one to follow reality shows, not after how I followed Survivor: Australia Outback in Primary 6. It was most silly, but fun in its own way, I'll say. That said, I don't see the hype in him coming back, really. All he did was talk about ... Eh, what did he talk about, really? Nothing worth retention, apparently.

What's new, these days, then? Nothing really, common tests left and right, revision all around. I'm getting hyped up over prelims and O Level's, and it's really weird because I'm not one for studying, and here I am wanting the examinations to come closer, already. Big weirding out here.

It's so warm these nights.

But anyway, the main point of this entry is to talk about what will happen if my idol/superstar/the man I love (oh boy)/the admired one (namely Michael Vartan) came to wherever I am (schools, that is) and how I will react.

Not by screaming and jumping about in front of him, of course. Disgracing yourself? Hah, what a way to charm your idol! Instead I'll probably look at him so intently with a wide smile forever plastered to my face. And shoving him with books and papers and pens to let him sign autographs of. (I have pictures of him ready on hand afterall... o_O Don't mean to sound as psychotic as I do, but I've got a small compartment in my folder with his printed pictures). And telling him, coherently and civilly that I love his works and admire him as a person (for Freeze the Disease, his contributions to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation; and his support for the Pediatric Epilepsy Project) and did I mention how much I love him?

Yeah, that'll be it in front of him. Perhaps get an email address or a number! Now that's a happy thought! Since if he goes to school nobody will really know him except for a selected few, and thus he won't be surrounded with giggling girls... Yeah. Once he's (sadly) gone, I'll squeal and squeal and squeal.

Fantasies are good! Really, they are!

On Grumblings

2005-08-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

Well, woe betides me.

Gastritis hit me real bad, and I can't concentrate on revision and/or other stuff (that I am/not supposed to be doing, that is...). What a way to spend the National Day holiday.

I need to start on those SNP ten-year series as soon as possible, because I bought them (Math, Chemistry and Physics) two weeks ago. Barely cracked the Physics and Chemistry ones, and the Math one... I haven't even flipped through the pages. Bad, bad.

This post is chronically depressing, and it's simply a reflection of my mood. And the state which my body is in, really. I look in the mirror and I think, "Eh? What happened?" Now, of course nobody really wants to hear about me looking at myself in the mirror so let's skip this section...

Common Tests are next week, prelims are 33 days away and the O Level's are 89. On a slightly uplifting tone, the end of the O Level's are 101 days away. In fact from a distance it looks like 'lol'. Not that I sanction the usage of such abbrieviations in writing, but it was a pretty interesting note. To me, at least.

There's this guy in my class who actually does go 'lol' in speech. In retalliation, one fine day about 3 weeks ago I actually snapped at him (he sits diagonally across from me) and told him to 'stfu'. He didn't understand me, but that's all the better. I was probably having a mild case of PMS, anyway.

Whoa, the pain. *curses*

National Day went by yesterday, a day where Singaporeans get to display our patriotic selves by hanging out flags, shouting cheers and singing national day songs with gutso. Not. How much is measured, exactly? The louder you sing, the more you love your country?

I haven't been writing as much lately, but I've started a new piece of fiction. Yes, one of those I-don't-really-have-a-plot-so-let's-go-along-
and-try-to-pretend-I-have-one-so-that-I-write.

Woe.

edit: Damien Rice is love.
edit2: Self-banning until 24th September and followed by another self-ban from the 3rd of October until the 18th of November
edit3: Apparently I've got some form of abdomen inflammation. Pffft. The pain is KILLING me.

On Changes

2005-07-21T18:54:00.000+08:00

A silly girl does silly things. I'm a silly girl.

I deleted all of my entries in this blog. I suppose it constitutes for a new beginning: An improved attitude, a more positive outlook, and generally, a better me.

(For the record, I have no idea what inspired this change.)

This means being a better daughter, sister, friend and student. Which will mean that I will try my hardest to reach for my goals, and when I reach them, I will make sure I thank everyone around me for their utmost support and kindness.

I have climbed mountains, crossed rivers and counted stars, and I will continue to climb more mountains, cross more rivers (metaphorically; I'm too unfit for the real thing) and counting stars. I will be strong in this battle and not let anything put me down. I will not cry, for crying is futile. I will greet each day not in dread, but in anticipation of all of life's lessons to be learned.

Hello world, to the new me.